Memory

We are the summation of all our memories. Every experience helps to shape who we will become as we remember and process the experience. Fortunately most of us don’t remember every single detail of every day but our subconscious records the experience whether our conscious minds recall it or not. In every moment, we are bombarded with billions of pieces of data but our conscious minds can only process about 2,000 of them. These 2,000 bits then are what we are aware of and this is how our awareness shapes our lives. This is also why it is important to notice what you put your awareness on…and even what you are choosing to ignore.

After my last posting on “Wounds”, a reader said the following: “The unfortunate thing is that these hurts and wounds become more self-inflicted and assisted by insensitive comments from others. They turn into pain that keeps the memory fresh in the mind.”  He is correct in that these old wounds can cause us to become our own judge, jury and executioner. When we accept other people’s opinions of who we are, we use that as ammunition to punish ourselves for not meeting someone else’s definition of who we should be.

Once we have a wound firmly in place even the slightest reference to something associated with it can send us into pattern. We then deepen the wound through self-inflicted pain because of the issue. For example when I was ridiculed for my haircut as a child, I became hypersensitive to anything having to do with my hair. Thinking of hair made me think that my hair wasn’t “normal” and I would become “triggered” by it. I would get embarrassed, angry, bitchy, ashamed, or any number of less-than-loving responses would result. More often than not I would then project the hurt from that triggered response onto someone else as a way to try and feel better about myself. That process NEVER works despite its repeated and defensive use. We can never feel better about ourselves by trying to make others feel worse about themselves.

STORING MEMORIES

At the root of the sensitivity is what is known as an “active memory”. When the memory of something is laid down in our brains, any emotional component to the experience is connected to the memory as well. There is no magical recorder in our heads that just tracks and stores every sequential event in our lives and stores it for future playback. Instead there are neural pathways which are formed that connect the memory to emotions associated with it. We may have tons of memories which are ultimately connected to the emotion of sadness but the memory itself doesn’t have sadness as a direct component of the event. Sadness was our emotional response to the event itself and so our brains connected the memory of the event to sadness.

If you think of the brain as looking similar to the picture you can begin to understand how memories are formed. Think of each of the spots, a neuron, as a single piece of data. Our brains are incredibly powerful machines which are also incredibly efficient. So your brain might have one of those spots as the location for “sadness”, another one for “anger” and another one for “love”. The brain only needs to store that emotion in one place. Then when it stores the other components of a memory, it simply connects that group of neurons to the spot for the associated emotion. Therefore we will have tons of individual memory paths which are all connected to that single emotional neuron for sadness. A memory will actually comprise a collection of countless neurons (location, age, people involved, environmental data, emotional response, etc.) which are connected via neural pathways. Therefore one memory of something sad can often trigger memories of other times when sadness occurred because they are all connected via that one neuron for sadness.

This is of course a very simplified explanation of an incredibly complex function of our brain but I hope it will help you to have an idea of how memory is stored. Given this format, “active memories” are those which are directly connected to neurons which trigger the emotional response within our bodies associated with the emotion. An “inactive memory” is one which is not associated with any particular emotion. These types of memories are typically forgotten rather quickly or are simply memories of places we’ve been, things we’ve seen or actions that we’ve done and that don’t elicit any emotional response.

MAKING AND BREAKING CONNECTIONS

For example, I remember walking around my neighborhood but I have no real emotional charge associated with that so therefore walking down my street is easy for me to do. Of course if one particular house has a big dog that barks at and scares me, I will consciously or unconsciously avoid walking past that house in the future. My brain associates that house with fear and I avoid the house. Maybe to avoid the house I have to take a different street and that then becomes my habit because it is safe. Years later I may start to walk down that street and suddenly feel fear without consciously knowing why. The dog may be dead now or the people moved but I still associate that house (and street) with the emotion of fear.

This is an example of living in the past because I’m avoiding a street in the present moment because of a negative past experience. If I bring my consciousness into the present moment however I can begin to shift that. I sense “fear” and rather than reacting to it and running I will be able to respond and potentially go into the fear. I can then choose to walk past the house and see that now it has beautiful flowers which I love, an adorable puppy or someone I might meet who will become a dear friend. The potential for joy and healing lies only in the present moment.

This act of going into the fear (which I spoke of in the “Wounds” entry) is where healing resides for me. By recognizing that my emotional response was triggered by past events and not present experiences, my brain will begin to form new neural pathways that associate this street and house with “love” or “friendship”. Ultimately the street is just a street but it is my emotional coloring of the street (based upon my past experiences and memory) that changes the experience for me. Eventually my brain will drop the connection to “fear” because no energy goes into feeding that neural pathway since my focus is now on the love that I feel associated with that house. I may always remember that a scary dog used to live there but the active component of the memory isn’t there any longer.

This is how it is with active memories of emotional wounds. Unfortunately they can’t be cleared as easily as choosing to walk down a street but they can be cleared. Awareness of the issue is the first step in that clearing process and then it becomes a matter of finding a technique or healing practitioner to help you discharge the active component of the memory. Just like I mentioned in the “Wounds” entry however, it is important to get to the core issue however and not only address one of the surface symptoms.

GETTING HELP

There are a variety of healing techniques and modalities that are incredibly effective and practitioners are available in most every part of the country and certainly in most larger cities if not all cities. I will mention a few techniques that I am familiar with and I recommend that you surf the web for more info on any of these which resonate with you. That search will undoubtedly lead you to the technique that is exactly right for you so just follow your heart for choosing the right technique and if necessary the right practitioner. Once you think you have the practitioner, ask lots of questions and trust your instincts.

REIKI

Reiki is a technique which I’ve been a practitioner of for over 10 years. It is really great for quickly addressing physical issues but also for getting to the underlying mental, emotional or spiritual issue. It’s simple and effective but very subtle. It initially helps to relax the entire body and clear the mind. From this relaxed place, your spirit is able to communicate with you more easily because you are able to sense and know it more clearly. Reiki helps to quiet the mental chatter and allow your inner guidance to emerge. This guidance will often reveal the true nature and core of the issue you are working on.

Many times when we address a situation in our lives which we think is current such as a failing relationship, our spirits will reveal that the core issue is one which actually began in early childhood and continues to replay itself in your life. The beauty of life is that it will present you with many opportunities to look at your issues through many different experiences. Until you identify, address and heal the core issue, you will continue to see it play out time and time again. Leaving one situation where the problem is manifesting won’t fix the problem; it will only shift the resulting symptoms. For example if your core issue is that you don’t respect and maintain your boundaries, you will continue to attract relationships where those boundaries will continually be violated and which will ultimately force you to look at the issue. If you’ve ever heard yourself say “why do I keep attracting (losers/abusers/alcoholics/immature partners/psychos/etc)” you know that one of your core issues is trying to get your attention. Changing relationships won’t fix it.

BODYTALK

Another technique that I practice is BodyTalk. While this system is great for a addressing a large number of issues, one particular component that I think is incredibly effective is the one used for deactivating unconscious beliefs and active memories. Often times there are limiting beliefs that we have adapted in order to help us survive in a situation or that seemed right based upon our limited understanding of life. These surface beliefs are often so strong that they completely obscure the real issue and so they need to be dealt with first.

Let’s say for example that you are struggling with weight issues. Over the years you may have adopted the belief that “food is my only true friend” because it is always there and helps soothe the pain and so you over-consume it. In truth the over-consumption of food is contributing to the problem and so your belief holds you in an unhealthy relationship with food. Clearing that unconscious belief can then allow you to see that eating doesn’t fix any problem, it only masks it. From that place you can then begin to see the underlying issues which are where the real problem is but sometimes you have to get the limiting beliefs out of the way to see them. BodyTalk is great for directly communicating with your unconscious mind to tell it to dissolve that neural pathway that connects food with the emotion of love.

EFT

Another amazingly simple technique which you can learn to do on yourself is called Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT is specifically for disengaging active memories and limiting beliefs which are holding you back. It is a simple technique which involves tapping specific points in a specific sequence on your body. This process has the effect of neutralizing the powerful emotional component of an issue within your brain. The beauty of this system is that there are manuals available on the web that you can download for free and learn to use the technique on yourself.  Once you learn the sequence of the tapping, you can neutralize these issues in less than two minutes. The key to success with this technique is to ensure that you are addressing the core issue and not just the surface symptom.

It is important to note here however that the manual that you can download is only one small part to the EFT process. There are trained EFT providers who can take this process and really help you do some deep and intense healing. Yes, the manual can help you slog through the surface issues and even some deeper ones but it may not be able to take you all the way to full healing. If you try the process and it resonates with you, you might want to seek an EFT therapist and work with them on the deeper issues. They can help you work past the surface issues and fully heal the true core issue.

This technique is great for releasing some core issues but it is also just as effective for getting rid of those little tender spots that we have. Through our past wounds, we all have those issues which we can be very sensitive about. Anytime someone brings a specific topic up, you can feel emotions start to arise such as shame, embarrassment, anger, or resentment. By being aware of these emotions through bringing your consciousness into more and more of your life, you can simply notice that these emotions arise without reacting to them. Once you notice a particular emotional response this way, you can then use the EFT method and disconnect that neural pathway which associates the emotion and the topic.

Once the emotional component is neutralized, you may then be able to understand what the core issue is beneath it. In the example with my hair, it was just a surface issue, the core issue for me was one of self-confidence. I couldn’t get to it however because I couldn’t get past the sensitivity issue to my hair. Talk of my hair triggered a memory of me feeling very insecure and being emotionally wounded and so my defense was to become angry or bitchy to protect the wound. Simply discharging my sensitivity to people talking about my hair would not have really healed my true core issue. By not becoming triggered by it however I could then begin to see that I was basing my self-worth on someone else’s judgments of me. That is what the real core issue was for me.

OUR TRUE CORE

On my journey I have learned that beneath it all, I am perfect and divine because I am an individuated piece of the Divine, Source, or God. And so are you! When I self reference against that ultimate perfection through the awareness of Unity Consciousness, I have no need to become defensive, play small or weak, or in any way feel inferior. Those feelings belong to my egoic human self and are all based upon self-judgment, not self love. As such they are not in alignment with my true nature and so they have no place in my life and do not serve to further my evolution.

There are a huge number of healing modalities available and finding the one that works best for you and your issue can seem daunting. That should not be used as an excuse not to work on yourself and heal your issues however. Doing nothing will ensure that you do not change, heal or grow. Yes, it takes time and effort to do this inner work but we can find the time by making small changes in our lives. By removing the time wasters and attention distracters such as television, music, video games, web surfing, drugs or porn you will find the extra time and willingness to do the work. All of these things are not inherently bad but they have to be kept under control rather than being used as a way to prevent us from doing the work which will help us become better humans. As we grow and become more healed, we make life easier for those around us and provide a template for them to want to grow and heal as well. This ripple effect contributes to the collective whole of humanity and helps us to evolve through the awareness of this Oneness.

I invite you to ask yourself:

-      “What are my hot buttons?”

-      “Am I willing to heal those issues?”

Wounds - Part 2

HEALING THE WOUND

Once we have located the wound then comes the work of healing the wound. If you begin to think of energetic wounds in the same way that you might think of a physical wound, you can follow the same process that you would use to heal that.

• -      Expose it
• -      Clean it out
• -      Put medicine on it
• -      Protect it while it heals
• -      When healed: forget about it and move on

So let’s look at those steps in terms of energetic wounds to give you an idea of the actual healing process. Depending upon the wound that you expose, you may be able to do this work alone but you may also need to seek assistance from someone in the healing profession or a trusted friend. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of courage. The healing process is a journey into your power, a willingness to look at what holds you back so that you can become stronger. It takes strength and courage, so honor those qualities in yourself and know that none of us are in this alone. The perception of aloneness or separation is what keeps us from truly healing our deepest wounds. We are all connected and as each of us heals our individual wounds, the collective benefits and grows stronger. That fact is why I’m sharing this information with you and all the information contained within this blog.

EXPOSE THE WOUND

This is where “going into your fears” comes in. Here are a few ways that you can identify where the wounds are so that you can expose them.

• -      A subconscious resistance to doing something that consciously we know we should be able to do
• -      Irrational fears or phobias
• -      Phantom pain in your body, especially if it changes location
• -      Dis-ease
• -      Body tension
• -      Anxiety, depression or over-excitement
• -      Hyper-sensitivity
• -      Strong emotional reactions
• -      Judgmental attitude

All of these issues are indicators that we are off balance and away from our true nature which is perfect health and true inner peace. If we believe in the Western Medicine model of disease and treatment, we will run to the doctor with most of these issues and try to get a pill to fix it. The pill will mask the symptom but it doesn’t cure the issue. Your body manifested the symptom because your subconscious mind held the belief that you needed it. Your body therefore also knows how to release it and cure it.

CLEAN IT OUT

Once you determine what the wound is or is related to, then you can begin work on the issue. This involves taking an open and honest look at the issue without judging yourself for having it or rationalizing it away. Judgment moves us away from healing and so it has no place in the healing process. The need to judge is often an indicator that there is a wound that needs healing.

One way of getting to the core of an issue is by continually asking “Why?” until you’ve gone at least 5 layers deep. For example, let’s say you have exposed a wound and are ready to clean it out. Quiet yourself, still the breath and focus inward. Ask yourself “why is it a problem for me that (insert the issue here)?” and then wait for the answer to come. Rather than trying to figure it out, just drop that question in to your consciousness, sit quietly and wait with an open and receptive mind. When you get ANY answer, ask yourself “why is that a problem for me?” and wait for that answer. Continue this cycle of inquiry until you’ve gone at least 5 layers down. Each time you go deeper with the “Why?” you move closer to the core issue. If you stop after the first one, you’re only brushing the surface symptom and not addressing the core issue. Dig deeper!

The key here is to trust whatever response arises in your mind without judging it. It may take you 10 layers to get to the core issue so stay with the process no matter what happens for you. Journaling is a great technique to help uncover issues in this way. Engaging the inner dialogue and documenting the thoughts through journaling will bring many deeply held issues to light that might be otherwise missed by just “sitting and thinking”. As you journal and notice issues, ask yourself “why is that a problem for me?” and just keep the stream of consciousness writing going and watch what comes out.

You’ll know when you hit the core issue because you will probably have an emotional release of some sort or one of those powerful “AH HA!” epiphanies that makes everything seem suddenly clear. Don’t let a few tears or a little “ah ha” slow you down however, get under the issue all the way to the core. That is how you clean it out. Go at least 5 layers deep with the questioning before you stop but go until you truly know you’ve hit the core issue. Over the years we have built up excuses and rationalizations for why we behave and respond the way we do. These things keep us in victim mode and away from healing. “I’m not (strong/smart/pretty/rich/clever/etc) enough to do that” is nothing but the wound speaking so that it can stay hidden. You ARE enough, you just have to learn to believe that with all of your being.

PUT MEDICINE ON IT

Now that you have dug down into your psyche and determined what the core issue is then it’s time to go to work on healing the issue. Depending upon what the issue is and how deep it goes, you may need to seek help with this part from those trained in doing healing work. This can be energy workers or body workers, shamanic practitioners, counselors, psychologists, hypnotists, or anyone trained in some technique which specifically addresses your issue. When searching for professional help, the main thing to keep in mind is that this is an energetic wound; you need to get it out of your head as well as out of your body and energy field. This is often why people don’t see complete results from talk therapy. Understanding the issue and talking about it only heals part of the issue. Perhaps you’ll need to see two or more people to fully clear the issue. Trust your intuition and listen to your body when doing the healing work.

Ultimately this part of the process is about understanding and clearing a core belief that is driving the behavior/issue that you trying to heal. Once we have a deeply held belief at the subconscious (this lifetime) or super-conscious (soul level) level that is where the belief must be released from. As we mature and gain knowledge in the world, our beliefs and views may change in the conscious mind but if we unconsciously hold a contradictory belief, that is the one which will drive how our bodies respond. The body is controlled by the subconscious mind and so that is where the healing must occur.

One book that I’ve found to be very helpful in my work and in my life is “You can heal your life” by Louise Hay. Her body of work is unparalleled. Through her years of working with the body, she has come up with a chart that maps physical symptoms to their underlying emotional cause. She shares many wonderful techniques for doing self-help work that are simple and effective for anyone to use. The techniques may not be able to help you resolve every issue which arises but it is a great start for most. For the rest, seek experienced healing professionals.

PROTECT IT WHILE IT HEALS

True healing takes time. If you are working at the energetic level, change can occur there instantaneously but because the body is more densely held energy, change will occur more slowly there. The best example I can give is to think of the 3 states of water; solid, liquid, gaseous. Let’s say for example that your wound is that “you believe that you are not worthy of love”. This gets frozen inside your body which we’ll call the ice cube. Let’s say that belief makes you cold and unapproachable. I come along with a heater (love) and surround you with it. The air around you may warm up instantly but the ice takes time to thaw. Slowly it becomes water which is less energetically dense and allows for change more easily. The water begins responding to the heat and warming up which further melts the ice. Finally after the ice is fully melted, the water reaches a point where it boils and eventually becomes vapor.

We are a lot like that. Our bodies are the ice cube, our emotions and thoughts are the water and our surrounding energy field is the vapor. It’s important to keep that in mind when doing healing work so that you give the process time to complete. The change has to occur at all 3 levels to be effective. This is why often people will have surgery to heal an issue and a few months or years later, the problem is back. They simply chipped away some ice but didn’t clear the core emotional issue. Our entire being must be addressed and tended to for healing to be completely effective. The energy body holds the template which the physical body forms to.

FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON

The important part of healing is to accept and embrace the results. If I continue to hold on to my story around the issue and form my identity around that wound, then I’ll never be able to move on with my life. For example if my issues were rooted in being molested at age 10 by a friend and I get my attention by being known as a “molestation survivor” then I am still holding on to the drama therein. In the present moment, where I exist, the abuse is not occurring only the identity I’ve formed around the wound is all that is left. I am the only one holding the memory of that event so I need to do my forgiveness work for the perpetrator and for myself to the point where I can let it go. I can then begin forming my identity around being complete and whole. http://peacefulmichael.blogspot.com/2009/08/claim-your-power.html It’s the difference between being known as a “survivor” and as “a fully empowered being”. As we heal and become whole, the words and labels that we use to define ourselves need to change as well. Heal. Forgive. Forget. But remember, the healing part has to come first because your conscious mind may forget but your body remembers.

THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS

While it may seem easier to go with the “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy when it comes to doing healing work, that approach really does not work. If we spend all of our energy trying to run from or ignore the core issue, nothing will truly change. Our outer experiences in the world will continue to trigger us in an effort to get us to heal the issue. We can blame the world or other people but our spirits have a vested interest in us being healed and whole and so they will always attract those experiences which will move us in the direction of healing. Until we stop blaming others and own the fact that whatever experience is happening for us is one which we have attracted or created to help us move towards healing. We have to be grateful for its presence in our lives and thank it for what it has to teach us.

When we claim our power to create in this way, especially if we are creating negative experiences for ourselves, we can then own our ability to use that power differently to create experiences that we do want. We can always choose to learn through the “teacher of pleasure” or the “teacher of pain”. If we create pleasurable experiences which help to evolve our spirits and help us grow, we will be attracted to that and we will indeed grow. We will want to do it more and more. Loving yourself more or hating yourself more. Which do you think would make your life happier?

Sometimes in order to fully embrace the change that we manifest in our lives, we have to be willing to let go of our old identity. We have to release our old stories and be done with the past. No longer victims of our past but rather powerful beings who because of their past have made it to be a part of the present moment. Each and every one of us that is alive at this moment is here because we chose to be here, even if unconsciously. We are the chosen ones who are awakening in this moment to be a part of a shift in human consciousness. Cultures from around the planet have predicted it and with open eyes we can witness the fact that we have to evolve the way we think and behave quickly before we destroy ourselves. We are fighting because of our differences and not celebrating our diversity.

Who would you be if you let go of your oldest story of wounding? What would your life look like if you didn’t hold on to that identity?

Wounds - Part 1

Wounds. We all have them and usually we have lots of them. They’re such an integral part of who we are that most of us aren’t even aware of them…yet they’re still there. When people who haven’t done much inner process work hear this term, they believe it means physical wounds, such as cuts, scraps or old broken bones. Those are indeed wounds but the wounds I’m speaking of are energetic in nature and typically show no outward physical appearance.

Energetic wounds are places in our energy fields, which surround and include our physical body, where we hold the memory of the hurt which has come to us. This hurt comes in many forms. Sometimes this hurt has come from physical damage such as when we are in accidents or fights. The majority of our wounds however have an emotional or mental cause. These are the ones which are less visible and are often outside of our conscious memory either because they are so old that they’re forgotten, were so subtle when they occurred, happened to us when we were so young that we don’t have a recallable memory of the experience or it was so painful that we’ve chosen to forget it.

HOW WE ARE WOUNDED?

Wounding occurs when we encounter an experience which we are unable to process and resolve. Our inability to process an experience may come from a variety of factors including age, past experiences, mental weakness, misguided information or a violation of our trust or boundaries. Whatever the reason for the experience or our inability to physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually or spiritually handle it, the wound is formed and it begins to shape our lives and affect our identity, often to our detriment. Unfortunately the wounds that we carry often cause us to inflict the same wounds upon others.

To understand this process, let me give you an example from my own life. The post I did called Body Memory lays out the story of my childhood haircut drama. As a child, that event was so traumatic for me that I collapsed in tears. That trauma was the source of a deep wound for me and at the time “emotional wounding” was not anything that I was aware of. My response to the experience was to find ways to protect myself from ever letting this happen again.

Growing up I was always very defensive when it came to my hair and always did my best to ensure that it didn’t attract any more negative attention than necessary. Unfortunately I also had very thin and fine hair and it began falling out in my early 20’s and this became an all-too-frequent topic of conversation. I knew that I was incredibly defensive about it and often lashed out inappropriately at others who made wisecracks or comments about it. Anytime anyone would make a comment about any haircut I got, I would shut down and quickly try to change the topic. Often that defense strategy would involve some sort of self-deprecating humor that served to further hold my wound in place. I became my own worst enemy. In some respects, the day that I decided to shave my head was the day that I found peace. My hair could no longer be made fun of because now it was gone.

It would have been very easy for me to write off my defensiveness as “no one likes to be teased about anything personal” but my response to the teasing was always more intense than was warranted. This was because an old wound was being triggered deeper within my subconscious and that wound was the source of great embarrassment. Yet this was an experience that I had mentally blocked out because it was too painful to hold on to but the wound was still very present in my energy field. It wasn’t until the meditation experience that I even recalled the original event.

WOUND AWARENESS

The obvious question then becomes “if I can’t remember the original wounding experience, how do I heal that wound?” This is where awareness and inner work come in to play. Being self-aware is about being able to be in the world and engaged but also being “the observer” of your experiences. Many of us experience the Observer but do it from an unconscious place where it is typically ignored. The Observer is that small part of our consciousness which is constantly witnessing the events which unfold in our lives. The key to identifying the Observer is that it is not judgmental nor does it direct us in any way. It is simply the silent witness.

For most, the Observer is first experienced consciously during a meditation practice. It is that part of our consciousness that not only is aware that we are sitting for meditation but also the part that observes the thoughts that we have. It helps us become aware of the thoughts when those thoughts are not the object of our meditation. For example, let’s say that I’m sitting to meditate and my focus is on the breath. Perhaps for the first 20 seconds I’m witnessing myself focusing on the breath, then I hear an the external sound of plane flying overhead, which causes me to begin thinking about the last time I flew somewhere for vacation. The next thing I know, I’m thinking about me lying on a sunny beach somewhere. Perhaps a few minutes pass before eventually I catch a nudge from the Observer that brings my awareness to “beach thoughts” and this allows me to bring my awareness back to the breath.

BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OBSERVER

The key to that experience however is learning to be connected to the Observer. The Observer is always consciously aware of our experience and can help us become aware of those times when we aren’t in the present moment but rather lost in thought and past events. By deepening our awareness of and connection to this part of our consciousness, we can begin to be aware of when an old wound has been triggered. We may find ourselves in a defensive place trying to rationalize our irrational behavior or reacting like we are 8 years old. This is when the Observer gives us a nudge that we aren’t in the present moment. If we are aware of that voice we can not only observe that we are reacting from a wounded place in our psyche but also what the nature of that wound is.

To give you an example of how that process might look, let’s continue with my hair story. Perhaps someone had made a wise crack about my hair being messy and I became unconsciously triggered by the comment. I became defensive and went into pattern and began projecting my wound onto them by making fun of either their hair or something which I knew would hurt them. Perhaps a bitchy comment I make upsets them and a verbal or physical fight ensues between us and we both lash out at each other. Now my focus is on this fight and not the original wound.

WATCH FOR THE RED FLAGS

It would be easy for me to walk away from that event with my focus on how mean the person was or just the fight itself and still have my deeply hidden wound intact. If I had been aware of the Observer, perhaps I would have noticed that their hair comment took me out of the present moment and into the past where my original wound was. I could have then been aware that there is an old wound that needs healing and even that it has to do with being so self-conscious about my hair. This information would have come to me via the Observer because it witnessed the events just as they were without the judgments of my personality or emotional coloring.

Typically we can become aware of old wounds this way because of our emotional response. We become overly emotional or we experience fear or anxiety. This is where the old spiritual adage “go into the fear (or pain)” comes in. By being aware of what the issue is that triggers us, we are given a pathway to healing an old wound. In my example above, if I had been self-aware enough to notice that I was defensive about my hair, I could have used my time alone to process that through a simple inquiry into my subconscious, “why am I so sensitive about my hair?”

FEARS ARE RED FLAGS

Our fears point the way to healing. Unless there is physical danger involved, truly we have nothing to fear so when we notice that the emotion of fear is present, we can use that as a compass for locating and ultimately healing an old wound. In my example above, I had the fear that someone would talk about my hair so I would go out of my way to try and keep it perfectly combed and styled in a way that I believed was attractive. I of course wasn’t fooling anyone but myself. I held the belief that no one would notice that it was thinning by keeping it styled and sprayed into place. Yes, it was a different issue from a child’s crew-cut but my hair was a source of shame from an earlier wound, thus the sensitivity.

What seemingly simple activity do you have a fear of?  What makes you say “ouch”?

END OF PART 1

This entry turned out to be a rather long one so I’m going to break it into two pieces. In the next part I’ll share a process for working to heal the wounds. Until then examine your life for those areas of resistance, feelings of discomfort and hot buttons. Watch what happens just from becoming aware of them.

Click here for Part 2
 

Preparing to give birth

I hope you have had time to begin working with the four steps of “The Basics”. The more you work with each of these techniques, the more you’ll see what a difference they can make. They are subtle but incredibly effective. The more you practice them the more you’ll notice when one, or all of them, isn’t in place. The key is to notice the difference in how you feel before doing them and after you’ve taken time with each one to get them set. Make a conscious effort to notice how it feels to have all four active and engaged. As you move through your day if your current feeling doesn’t match that feeling, stop and re-engage what is missing.

I’d like to offer you a few tips on telling which part is off for you. If you feel overloaded or nervous, focus on “ground”. If you are feeling confused, have no reference point or opinion, work with “clear”. If you feel dependent upon others or like you are being controlling, work with “bind”. If you feel clumsy or unstable, work with “core”. These are generalities but will help you move in the direction you need. If you just feel “off” but can’t put words to it, re-engage them all. It only takes a couple of minutes so it’s not that big of a commitment in time, energy or money. Different personality types will be challenged by different steps in the Basics. Everyone will usually find at least one step to be particularly challenging based upon their energetic defense patterns.

It’s easy enough to read over these and think “how could that help? I’m only visualizing things.” Know that as with all things, it’s about trying it rather than just reading it. Take an experimental approach to it if need be. First pick some time bounds, determine the experiment and conduct it within the time constraints and then evaluate the results. For example say “I’m going to try doing these Basics every morning for two weeks” and then do it. At the end of that two weeks (which should be ample time to get very familiar with the process), see if you feel more grounded and centered as you engaged your world. If you like the change, and I’m sure you will, then continue doing it and work on having it become a more robust process that you are aware of constantly. If you feel no change, then stop doing the exercises. The experiment costs you nothing but a couple of minutes a day.

CHANGES

As of the writing of this entry, my life is undergoing major change. I’m about to move my work studio and our apartment into a new home where I can both live and work. All of this needs to happen in the next two weeks and then everything has to get set up. I also have a week of “vacation” planned for mid-July. That along with several other things which require my time, attention and thus my energy are causing me to take a hard look at my life to see where I can free up some energy.

As a result of that examination, I’ve decided that I’m going to be taking some time away from writing this blog so that I can get my life resettled. There is a major birth occurring for me because the stress around things reaching this point has been intense and is still building. I know there are some great lessons in all of this for me and I’ll share those with you when I return.
Since I see this as a birthing, I’m going to allow myself to surrender into the process and then return on, symbolically enough, Labor Day. Big things are in store and I’m very excited about what all this could mean for me, my relationships and also my work. Please check back here after Labor Day and look for some new posts then.

In the meantime, I thank each of you for reading my words and for the beautiful feedback that I’ve gotten from so many of you. I’m deeply touched and honored that you would take time from your life to read what I have to share. My hope and intention is that you benefit from some of it whether you believe it all or not. Please send good thoughts my way and I look forward to continuing our journey together after Labor Day and the birth.

My best to you in all that you do,

Michael

Me, myself and I AM

It has been said that we have three different views of “self”. We have the self that we project out into the world, the self that we think we are and the self that we really are.

FIRST VIEW – “ME”

The first view is the one that we project out into the world. This self is constructed and comprised of the things we share and don’t share with others. The things we share, and thus the view others are given, changes depending upon who we are talking to and what image we are trying to project. For instance to some people I am a body-worker, to some I am an erotic educator, to others I am a whore, a friend, acquaintance, confidant, student, lover, trouble maker, son, strange relative or just another face on the street. While I am each of those things, I am also all of those things but I am also so much more.

This view of me is dependent upon my relationship with the viewer and can change in an instant when more is shared. In essence there are as many views of me as there are people who view me because every person holds a different perspective of me based upon how much they know about me and what personal filters they are viewing me through. If you hold the belief about me that I am “just another whore” then you will most likely not be able to see me as anything beyond that because of your own judgments being projected upon me.


SECOND VIEW – “MYSELF”

The second view is the self the way we think we are. Today I may see myself as a silly, fun-loving guy with a really cool job. Tomorrow I might see myself as a loud-mouthed buffoon who is constantly putting his foot in his mouth. The next day I might see myself as a compassionate friend who does his best to help everyone that he can. Then in following days I could be a victim of my circumstances, the bravest man alive, a rebel, a leader or a wounded child. This view changes constantly and is usually based upon the situation I am in or who I am with. My own filters, which I’ve created from my past experiences, color the way I see myself in relation to others.

This view is problematic as well because it is based upon my own false judgments of myself. For example if I think that sex is bad (which I don’t) and I engage in sex then I’m likely to not be able to see all the good things that are possible through sexual expression. If I grew up being told that I’m stupid, lazy, not good enough or a “sinner” and I have adopted these beliefs simply because someone else called me these things then I will most likely judge my every action and only see my faults. This will of course validate these false beliefs that I hold and reinforce them. This negative view of self will of course be reflected in the image that I project out to others because of my own insecurities.


THIRD VIEW – “I”

The final view is the self that I really am. This self is the one that manifested the body that I currently reside in. It is the part of me that animates and enlivens this body. When I complete the lessons and tasks that I manifested to work on, it is the part of me that will leave the body and continue exist outside of the physical realm. It is eternal and ever evolving. I am either in the physical realm or I am not. Unlike the other temporary views of self, it is my deepest, truest self and not dependent upon or affected by any judgments. It is the one small slice of the infinite field of the eternal Divine which is “me”. In sacred texts it is called the “I AM” consciousness. I am one with the Divine and in that oneness I AM the Divine.

Most people believe that they are the body and that all of the judgments they hold upon themselves are what keep them from “Heaven”. As such they hold themselves in a perpetual powerless state because as long as they believe that another has power over them and sits in judgment of them, they will always be a victim. They will live their lives according to the rules and judgments given to them by an external source rather than following the guidance of the inner Divine. For them they will never be able to even conceive of themselves as anything but unworthy let alone the Divine being that they truly are.


EGO OR ESSENCE

The first two views are temporary in nature and represent only a tiny slice of the powerful beings that we all really are. These two views of self belong to the ego. The ego is connected to the temporary physical body. All of those things connected to the physical body fade away at death because of the temporal nature of the body and the personality associated with it. The third view is that of our Essential Self. It is eternal and our direct reflection of the Divine, our True Self, Higher Self, or Soul. It is part of all that is, was and ever shall be. It is the part of us which reincarnates in the physical realm to learn the lessons we manifested to learn or in some cases to help illuminate a path to the inner Divine for others to follow.

We expend so much of our time and valuable energy working on the self that we project out into the world because for most people that is as far as their awareness will penetrate into the true nature of their existence. Each time we create one of these false personalities that we present to others we have to use our energy to maintain it. When we are around those who we don’t allow to see us as we truly are out of fear of rejection, we have to remember what they do and do not know and how much more we are willing to let them know. We believe that others can’t love and accept us if they know our truth so we create a view of ourselves that we believe they can accept. This speaks directly to our inability to love and accept ourselves without judgment. It also says a great deal about our judgment of others and our belief that they can’t handle our truth.

Our internal view of self is not much different. When we judge ourselves and limit the expression of our Divine nature, we compartmentalize ourselves often as a way to cope or delude ourselves into believing that we are the body and the false personality we have created for it. These inner views of self have a direct bearing on the projected views. If we believe we are weak, evil, a victim, a sinner or even a Saint, we will create external personalities in alignment with those beliefs. Remember our beliefs create our realities. When others reflect back their view of us to us, we tend to allow ourselves to believe that we are these fractured personalities rather than a direct manifestation of the Divine.

The third and definitive self is the only true view of self. The more we hold our focus there the more that view informs our view of our self and then that view is projected out to others. This is a paradigm shift for most people because they internalize the world view of themselves rather than expressing their inner true nature. This true nature which exists within every single individual, animal and plant is the Divine expressing itself in so many forms in physical reality. This is true no matter what our perception of others is, even those we think of as “wrong” or “evil” because those judgments belong to the egoic self and are seen through our own judgmental filters.


AWAKEN TO YOUR OWN TRUTH

This inner expression of the Divine is the truth that I want to help you to awaken to and that is happening as you read these words. It is the way, the truth and the Light. It is not manifest in any single individual any more than any other but it is expressed more fully depending upon the evolution of the individual soul. The more deeply we connect with and express this Essential Self, the easier life becomes because we are able to allow our energy to radiate our truth rather than expend energy maintaining false personalities. It requires no adherence to religious dogma, new age belief system or advanced study. It is simply a matter of looking within to the deepest layers of our existence and expressing the truth found therein.

Will you put your awareness on the temporary or on the eternal I AM?