Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Ready...set...

I haven’t told you much about the letter to my family lately and I want to give you a quick update on that. I have the letter essentially ready and hope to finish up the final edits on it in the next 24 hours because………everything goes into motion tomorrow afternoon. I’ve invited my mom and my beloved niece out for a week-long visit. They arrive tomorrow evening and I want to get everything out in the open as quickly as I can so that we can enjoy their visit and have plenty of time to talk about it all. Yes, I’m nervous because I don’t know how mom will respond but since I’m not looking for approval or permission from her, I’m at peace with whatever her response will be. I’m certain my niece will be fine with it. Despite her being my niece she’s almost my age and she’s very worldly so I anticipate no issues there.

I recently reconnected with another family member that I haven’t spoken with since the early 80’s. In learning more about her I realize that it’s her side of the family where the drama might surface. I have two older half-brothers. One brother’s family (the side of the niece that will be here) is more “religion neutral” than the other brother’s family. Their side is very Christian based and if you’ve been reading this blog you can imagine how what I’ve said (and what I’ve yet to share) is not really going to fly with them. I’m at peace with that as well because this journey is about me being more authentic in all areas of my life and not living a life that based on seeking approval from others. I don’t expect them all to embrace my beliefs or leave theirs. I simply don’t want to have to hide a major part of my life from them or anyone.

Each time I think about sharing all of this with my family, I can feel myself tense up. Anytime that we choose to reveal a secret there is a lot of fear and anxiety connected with that. Despite that, I’m choosing to go into those fears and fully release them. My commitment to this blog was to open my life up this way and share the experiences with you…and this is just the warm-up act based upon what is ahead for me. Whatever happens, you’ll know about. I’m not choosing just to share the happy and fun parts with you but the whole thing. It is my hope that it might encourage you to release some of your fears and live a more authentic life as well. I recognize that I certainly have to practice what I preach.

I believe that ultimately it will all work out for the very best. For all I know they may get the letter, read it, delete it and that will be that. “No drama” would be very welcome but also very unexpected. Stay tuned, think good thoughts for me and I’ll keep you posted on the outcome.

2 comments:

  1. I would like to know what you felt by the end of the trip....what you understand from it, when it broke your heart, when it made you laugh and feel loved and when it frusrated you. Heavy week, I know, but get it out there on this blog - it is what it is for. I am still processing a lot of things that I now see more clearly, but the laughs somehow are where I always end up - thank you.

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  2. Wishing you the very best - but as you said, you are neither expecting them to leave their belief nor accept yours. Well said.

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