Memory

We are the summation of all our memories. Every experience helps to shape who we will become as we remember and process the experience. Fortunately most of us don’t remember every single detail of every day but our subconscious records the experience whether our conscious minds recall it or not. In every moment, we are bombarded with billions of pieces of data but our conscious minds can only process about 2,000 of them. These 2,000 bits then are what we are aware of and this is how our awareness shapes our lives. This is also why it is important to notice what you put your awareness on…and even what you are choosing to ignore.

After my last posting on “Wounds”, a reader said the following: “The unfortunate thing is that these hurts and wounds become more self-inflicted and assisted by insensitive comments from others. They turn into pain that keeps the memory fresh in the mind.”  He is correct in that these old wounds can cause us to become our own judge, jury and executioner. When we accept other people’s opinions of who we are, we use that as ammunition to punish ourselves for not meeting someone else’s definition of who we should be.

Once we have a wound firmly in place even the slightest reference to something associated with it can send us into pattern. We then deepen the wound through self-inflicted pain because of the issue. For example when I was ridiculed for my haircut as a child, I became hypersensitive to anything having to do with my hair. Thinking of hair made me think that my hair wasn’t “normal” and I would become “triggered” by it. I would get embarrassed, angry, bitchy, ashamed, or any number of less-than-loving responses would result. More often than not I would then project the hurt from that triggered response onto someone else as a way to try and feel better about myself. That process NEVER works despite its repeated and defensive use. We can never feel better about ourselves by trying to make others feel worse about themselves.

STORING MEMORIES

At the root of the sensitivity is what is known as an “active memory”. When the memory of something is laid down in our brains, any emotional component to the experience is connected to the memory as well. There is no magical recorder in our heads that just tracks and stores every sequential event in our lives and stores it for future playback. Instead there are neural pathways which are formed that connect the memory to emotions associated with it. We may have tons of memories which are ultimately connected to the emotion of sadness but the memory itself doesn’t have sadness as a direct component of the event. Sadness was our emotional response to the event itself and so our brains connected the memory of the event to sadness.

If you think of the brain as looking similar to the picture you can begin to understand how memories are formed. Think of each of the spots, a neuron, as a single piece of data. Our brains are incredibly powerful machines which are also incredibly efficient. So your brain might have one of those spots as the location for “sadness”, another one for “anger” and another one for “love”. The brain only needs to store that emotion in one place. Then when it stores the other components of a memory, it simply connects that group of neurons to the spot for the associated emotion. Therefore we will have tons of individual memory paths which are all connected to that single emotional neuron for sadness. A memory will actually comprise a collection of countless neurons (location, age, people involved, environmental data, emotional response, etc.) which are connected via neural pathways. Therefore one memory of something sad can often trigger memories of other times when sadness occurred because they are all connected via that one neuron for sadness.

This is of course a very simplified explanation of an incredibly complex function of our brain but I hope it will help you to have an idea of how memory is stored. Given this format, “active memories” are those which are directly connected to neurons which trigger the emotional response within our bodies associated with the emotion. An “inactive memory” is one which is not associated with any particular emotion. These types of memories are typically forgotten rather quickly or are simply memories of places we’ve been, things we’ve seen or actions that we’ve done and that don’t elicit any emotional response.

MAKING AND BREAKING CONNECTIONS

For example, I remember walking around my neighborhood but I have no real emotional charge associated with that so therefore walking down my street is easy for me to do. Of course if one particular house has a big dog that barks at and scares me, I will consciously or unconsciously avoid walking past that house in the future. My brain associates that house with fear and I avoid the house. Maybe to avoid the house I have to take a different street and that then becomes my habit because it is safe. Years later I may start to walk down that street and suddenly feel fear without consciously knowing why. The dog may be dead now or the people moved but I still associate that house (and street) with the emotion of fear.

This is an example of living in the past because I’m avoiding a street in the present moment because of a negative past experience. If I bring my consciousness into the present moment however I can begin to shift that. I sense “fear” and rather than reacting to it and running I will be able to respond and potentially go into the fear. I can then choose to walk past the house and see that now it has beautiful flowers which I love, an adorable puppy or someone I might meet who will become a dear friend. The potential for joy and healing lies only in the present moment.

This act of going into the fear (which I spoke of in the “Wounds” entry) is where healing resides for me. By recognizing that my emotional response was triggered by past events and not present experiences, my brain will begin to form new neural pathways that associate this street and house with “love” or “friendship”. Ultimately the street is just a street but it is my emotional coloring of the street (based upon my past experiences and memory) that changes the experience for me. Eventually my brain will drop the connection to “fear” because no energy goes into feeding that neural pathway since my focus is now on the love that I feel associated with that house. I may always remember that a scary dog used to live there but the active component of the memory isn’t there any longer.

This is how it is with active memories of emotional wounds. Unfortunately they can’t be cleared as easily as choosing to walk down a street but they can be cleared. Awareness of the issue is the first step in that clearing process and then it becomes a matter of finding a technique or healing practitioner to help you discharge the active component of the memory. Just like I mentioned in the “Wounds” entry however, it is important to get to the core issue however and not only address one of the surface symptoms.

GETTING HELP

There are a variety of healing techniques and modalities that are incredibly effective and practitioners are available in most every part of the country and certainly in most larger cities if not all cities. I will mention a few techniques that I am familiar with and I recommend that you surf the web for more info on any of these which resonate with you. That search will undoubtedly lead you to the technique that is exactly right for you so just follow your heart for choosing the right technique and if necessary the right practitioner. Once you think you have the practitioner, ask lots of questions and trust your instincts.

REIKI

Reiki is a technique which I’ve been a practitioner of for over 10 years. It is really great for quickly addressing physical issues but also for getting to the underlying mental, emotional or spiritual issue. It’s simple and effective but very subtle. It initially helps to relax the entire body and clear the mind. From this relaxed place, your spirit is able to communicate with you more easily because you are able to sense and know it more clearly. Reiki helps to quiet the mental chatter and allow your inner guidance to emerge. This guidance will often reveal the true nature and core of the issue you are working on.

Many times when we address a situation in our lives which we think is current such as a failing relationship, our spirits will reveal that the core issue is one which actually began in early childhood and continues to replay itself in your life. The beauty of life is that it will present you with many opportunities to look at your issues through many different experiences. Until you identify, address and heal the core issue, you will continue to see it play out time and time again. Leaving one situation where the problem is manifesting won’t fix the problem; it will only shift the resulting symptoms. For example if your core issue is that you don’t respect and maintain your boundaries, you will continue to attract relationships where those boundaries will continually be violated and which will ultimately force you to look at the issue. If you’ve ever heard yourself say “why do I keep attracting (losers/abusers/alcoholics/immature partners/psychos/etc)” you know that one of your core issues is trying to get your attention. Changing relationships won’t fix it.

BODYTALK

Another technique that I practice is BodyTalk. While this system is great for a addressing a large number of issues, one particular component that I think is incredibly effective is the one used for deactivating unconscious beliefs and active memories. Often times there are limiting beliefs that we have adapted in order to help us survive in a situation or that seemed right based upon our limited understanding of life. These surface beliefs are often so strong that they completely obscure the real issue and so they need to be dealt with first.

Let’s say for example that you are struggling with weight issues. Over the years you may have adopted the belief that “food is my only true friend” because it is always there and helps soothe the pain and so you over-consume it. In truth the over-consumption of food is contributing to the problem and so your belief holds you in an unhealthy relationship with food. Clearing that unconscious belief can then allow you to see that eating doesn’t fix any problem, it only masks it. From that place you can then begin to see the underlying issues which are where the real problem is but sometimes you have to get the limiting beliefs out of the way to see them. BodyTalk is great for directly communicating with your unconscious mind to tell it to dissolve that neural pathway that connects food with the emotion of love.

EFT

Another amazingly simple technique which you can learn to do on yourself is called Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT is specifically for disengaging active memories and limiting beliefs which are holding you back. It is a simple technique which involves tapping specific points in a specific sequence on your body. This process has the effect of neutralizing the powerful emotional component of an issue within your brain. The beauty of this system is that there are manuals available on the web that you can download for free and learn to use the technique on yourself.  Once you learn the sequence of the tapping, you can neutralize these issues in less than two minutes. The key to success with this technique is to ensure that you are addressing the core issue and not just the surface symptom.

It is important to note here however that the manual that you can download is only one small part to the EFT process. There are trained EFT providers who can take this process and really help you do some deep and intense healing. Yes, the manual can help you slog through the surface issues and even some deeper ones but it may not be able to take you all the way to full healing. If you try the process and it resonates with you, you might want to seek an EFT therapist and work with them on the deeper issues. They can help you work past the surface issues and fully heal the true core issue.

This technique is great for releasing some core issues but it is also just as effective for getting rid of those little tender spots that we have. Through our past wounds, we all have those issues which we can be very sensitive about. Anytime someone brings a specific topic up, you can feel emotions start to arise such as shame, embarrassment, anger, or resentment. By being aware of these emotions through bringing your consciousness into more and more of your life, you can simply notice that these emotions arise without reacting to them. Once you notice a particular emotional response this way, you can then use the EFT method and disconnect that neural pathway which associates the emotion and the topic.

Once the emotional component is neutralized, you may then be able to understand what the core issue is beneath it. In the example with my hair, it was just a surface issue, the core issue for me was one of self-confidence. I couldn’t get to it however because I couldn’t get past the sensitivity issue to my hair. Talk of my hair triggered a memory of me feeling very insecure and being emotionally wounded and so my defense was to become angry or bitchy to protect the wound. Simply discharging my sensitivity to people talking about my hair would not have really healed my true core issue. By not becoming triggered by it however I could then begin to see that I was basing my self-worth on someone else’s judgments of me. That is what the real core issue was for me.

OUR TRUE CORE

On my journey I have learned that beneath it all, I am perfect and divine because I am an individuated piece of the Divine, Source, or God. And so are you! When I self reference against that ultimate perfection through the awareness of Unity Consciousness, I have no need to become defensive, play small or weak, or in any way feel inferior. Those feelings belong to my egoic human self and are all based upon self-judgment, not self love. As such they are not in alignment with my true nature and so they have no place in my life and do not serve to further my evolution.

There are a huge number of healing modalities available and finding the one that works best for you and your issue can seem daunting. That should not be used as an excuse not to work on yourself and heal your issues however. Doing nothing will ensure that you do not change, heal or grow. Yes, it takes time and effort to do this inner work but we can find the time by making small changes in our lives. By removing the time wasters and attention distracters such as television, music, video games, web surfing, drugs or porn you will find the extra time and willingness to do the work. All of these things are not inherently bad but they have to be kept under control rather than being used as a way to prevent us from doing the work which will help us become better humans. As we grow and become more healed, we make life easier for those around us and provide a template for them to want to grow and heal as well. This ripple effect contributes to the collective whole of humanity and helps us to evolve through the awareness of this Oneness.

I invite you to ask yourself:

-      “What are my hot buttons?”

-      “Am I willing to heal those issues?”

Wounds - Part 2

HEALING THE WOUND

Once we have located the wound then comes the work of healing the wound. If you begin to think of energetic wounds in the same way that you might think of a physical wound, you can follow the same process that you would use to heal that.

• -      Expose it
• -      Clean it out
• -      Put medicine on it
• -      Protect it while it heals
• -      When healed: forget about it and move on

So let’s look at those steps in terms of energetic wounds to give you an idea of the actual healing process. Depending upon the wound that you expose, you may be able to do this work alone but you may also need to seek assistance from someone in the healing profession or a trusted friend. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of courage. The healing process is a journey into your power, a willingness to look at what holds you back so that you can become stronger. It takes strength and courage, so honor those qualities in yourself and know that none of us are in this alone. The perception of aloneness or separation is what keeps us from truly healing our deepest wounds. We are all connected and as each of us heals our individual wounds, the collective benefits and grows stronger. That fact is why I’m sharing this information with you and all the information contained within this blog.

EXPOSE THE WOUND

This is where “going into your fears” comes in. Here are a few ways that you can identify where the wounds are so that you can expose them.

• -      A subconscious resistance to doing something that consciously we know we should be able to do
• -      Irrational fears or phobias
• -      Phantom pain in your body, especially if it changes location
• -      Dis-ease
• -      Body tension
• -      Anxiety, depression or over-excitement
• -      Hyper-sensitivity
• -      Strong emotional reactions
• -      Judgmental attitude

All of these issues are indicators that we are off balance and away from our true nature which is perfect health and true inner peace. If we believe in the Western Medicine model of disease and treatment, we will run to the doctor with most of these issues and try to get a pill to fix it. The pill will mask the symptom but it doesn’t cure the issue. Your body manifested the symptom because your subconscious mind held the belief that you needed it. Your body therefore also knows how to release it and cure it.

CLEAN IT OUT

Once you determine what the wound is or is related to, then you can begin work on the issue. This involves taking an open and honest look at the issue without judging yourself for having it or rationalizing it away. Judgment moves us away from healing and so it has no place in the healing process. The need to judge is often an indicator that there is a wound that needs healing.

One way of getting to the core of an issue is by continually asking “Why?” until you’ve gone at least 5 layers deep. For example, let’s say you have exposed a wound and are ready to clean it out. Quiet yourself, still the breath and focus inward. Ask yourself “why is it a problem for me that (insert the issue here)?” and then wait for the answer to come. Rather than trying to figure it out, just drop that question in to your consciousness, sit quietly and wait with an open and receptive mind. When you get ANY answer, ask yourself “why is that a problem for me?” and wait for that answer. Continue this cycle of inquiry until you’ve gone at least 5 layers down. Each time you go deeper with the “Why?” you move closer to the core issue. If you stop after the first one, you’re only brushing the surface symptom and not addressing the core issue. Dig deeper!

The key here is to trust whatever response arises in your mind without judging it. It may take you 10 layers to get to the core issue so stay with the process no matter what happens for you. Journaling is a great technique to help uncover issues in this way. Engaging the inner dialogue and documenting the thoughts through journaling will bring many deeply held issues to light that might be otherwise missed by just “sitting and thinking”. As you journal and notice issues, ask yourself “why is that a problem for me?” and just keep the stream of consciousness writing going and watch what comes out.

You’ll know when you hit the core issue because you will probably have an emotional release of some sort or one of those powerful “AH HA!” epiphanies that makes everything seem suddenly clear. Don’t let a few tears or a little “ah ha” slow you down however, get under the issue all the way to the core. That is how you clean it out. Go at least 5 layers deep with the questioning before you stop but go until you truly know you’ve hit the core issue. Over the years we have built up excuses and rationalizations for why we behave and respond the way we do. These things keep us in victim mode and away from healing. “I’m not (strong/smart/pretty/rich/clever/etc) enough to do that” is nothing but the wound speaking so that it can stay hidden. You ARE enough, you just have to learn to believe that with all of your being.

PUT MEDICINE ON IT

Now that you have dug down into your psyche and determined what the core issue is then it’s time to go to work on healing the issue. Depending upon what the issue is and how deep it goes, you may need to seek help with this part from those trained in doing healing work. This can be energy workers or body workers, shamanic practitioners, counselors, psychologists, hypnotists, or anyone trained in some technique which specifically addresses your issue. When searching for professional help, the main thing to keep in mind is that this is an energetic wound; you need to get it out of your head as well as out of your body and energy field. This is often why people don’t see complete results from talk therapy. Understanding the issue and talking about it only heals part of the issue. Perhaps you’ll need to see two or more people to fully clear the issue. Trust your intuition and listen to your body when doing the healing work.

Ultimately this part of the process is about understanding and clearing a core belief that is driving the behavior/issue that you trying to heal. Once we have a deeply held belief at the subconscious (this lifetime) or super-conscious (soul level) level that is where the belief must be released from. As we mature and gain knowledge in the world, our beliefs and views may change in the conscious mind but if we unconsciously hold a contradictory belief, that is the one which will drive how our bodies respond. The body is controlled by the subconscious mind and so that is where the healing must occur.

One book that I’ve found to be very helpful in my work and in my life is “You can heal your life” by Louise Hay. Her body of work is unparalleled. Through her years of working with the body, she has come up with a chart that maps physical symptoms to their underlying emotional cause. She shares many wonderful techniques for doing self-help work that are simple and effective for anyone to use. The techniques may not be able to help you resolve every issue which arises but it is a great start for most. For the rest, seek experienced healing professionals.

PROTECT IT WHILE IT HEALS

True healing takes time. If you are working at the energetic level, change can occur there instantaneously but because the body is more densely held energy, change will occur more slowly there. The best example I can give is to think of the 3 states of water; solid, liquid, gaseous. Let’s say for example that your wound is that “you believe that you are not worthy of love”. This gets frozen inside your body which we’ll call the ice cube. Let’s say that belief makes you cold and unapproachable. I come along with a heater (love) and surround you with it. The air around you may warm up instantly but the ice takes time to thaw. Slowly it becomes water which is less energetically dense and allows for change more easily. The water begins responding to the heat and warming up which further melts the ice. Finally after the ice is fully melted, the water reaches a point where it boils and eventually becomes vapor.

We are a lot like that. Our bodies are the ice cube, our emotions and thoughts are the water and our surrounding energy field is the vapor. It’s important to keep that in mind when doing healing work so that you give the process time to complete. The change has to occur at all 3 levels to be effective. This is why often people will have surgery to heal an issue and a few months or years later, the problem is back. They simply chipped away some ice but didn’t clear the core emotional issue. Our entire being must be addressed and tended to for healing to be completely effective. The energy body holds the template which the physical body forms to.

FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON

The important part of healing is to accept and embrace the results. If I continue to hold on to my story around the issue and form my identity around that wound, then I’ll never be able to move on with my life. For example if my issues were rooted in being molested at age 10 by a friend and I get my attention by being known as a “molestation survivor” then I am still holding on to the drama therein. In the present moment, where I exist, the abuse is not occurring only the identity I’ve formed around the wound is all that is left. I am the only one holding the memory of that event so I need to do my forgiveness work for the perpetrator and for myself to the point where I can let it go. I can then begin forming my identity around being complete and whole. http://peacefulmichael.blogspot.com/2009/08/claim-your-power.html It’s the difference between being known as a “survivor” and as “a fully empowered being”. As we heal and become whole, the words and labels that we use to define ourselves need to change as well. Heal. Forgive. Forget. But remember, the healing part has to come first because your conscious mind may forget but your body remembers.

THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS

While it may seem easier to go with the “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy when it comes to doing healing work, that approach really does not work. If we spend all of our energy trying to run from or ignore the core issue, nothing will truly change. Our outer experiences in the world will continue to trigger us in an effort to get us to heal the issue. We can blame the world or other people but our spirits have a vested interest in us being healed and whole and so they will always attract those experiences which will move us in the direction of healing. Until we stop blaming others and own the fact that whatever experience is happening for us is one which we have attracted or created to help us move towards healing. We have to be grateful for its presence in our lives and thank it for what it has to teach us.

When we claim our power to create in this way, especially if we are creating negative experiences for ourselves, we can then own our ability to use that power differently to create experiences that we do want. We can always choose to learn through the “teacher of pleasure” or the “teacher of pain”. If we create pleasurable experiences which help to evolve our spirits and help us grow, we will be attracted to that and we will indeed grow. We will want to do it more and more. Loving yourself more or hating yourself more. Which do you think would make your life happier?

Sometimes in order to fully embrace the change that we manifest in our lives, we have to be willing to let go of our old identity. We have to release our old stories and be done with the past. No longer victims of our past but rather powerful beings who because of their past have made it to be a part of the present moment. Each and every one of us that is alive at this moment is here because we chose to be here, even if unconsciously. We are the chosen ones who are awakening in this moment to be a part of a shift in human consciousness. Cultures from around the planet have predicted it and with open eyes we can witness the fact that we have to evolve the way we think and behave quickly before we destroy ourselves. We are fighting because of our differences and not celebrating our diversity.

Who would you be if you let go of your oldest story of wounding? What would your life look like if you didn’t hold on to that identity?